"If you can't remember a better time, you can have mine, little one."

As I get older and don't get to see my friends as often I tend to understand what I've been told by so many that time really does fly and making the most of right now really does matter most.

My husband and I got to see some old college buddies this weekend and it was really nice to kind of feel young again. I know, I know, it's sounds silly, because I'm not all that old, but I'm much older now than I used to be. I'm not a college kid anymore. I'm not a newlywed. I'm a wife, mother, former teacher, and friend.

Boy do we take on many roles in our life. If I were to name all the ones I hold/have held I'd be here all night. As I sit here reminiscing on things gone by I can't help but think about how all our lives are so much different now. We went to a wedding of yet another one of our friends' this evening and it was lovely. As our little group sat around the table at the reception I couldn't help but notice that most of us were married now and have a kid or want one soon. Seemed like just yesterday we were staying up at all hours playing games or just talking all over at one of our apartments. Good times, when we all lived either in walking distance of one another or just a short ride away. I miss that. Being able to hang out practically whenever we wanted. People always feeling welcomed to just come on in and hang out. Tons of people over and having a great time just....being.

Sometimes I long for those times of simplicity again.

I love my family and just love my life so much. Our little bean just makes us laugh and continues to amaze us daily. I can't believe how fast she's growing and developing. She will probably be crawling in about a week or so I'm sure. I've really got to finish the baby proofing that's for sure.

I feel as if I'm rambling here. Maybe I am, but I just needed to vent a little. After all, isn't that what a blog is for?

I think major holidays tend to provoke introspection in most people, and that's ok. I find myself beginning to wonder, "Is this how my parents' felt? Did they go through this?" My outlook on things seem so much different now. Despite all the craziness and the longing for old days, I am incredibly blessed and am so thankful for everything God has given me. Why He's blessed me so much, I'll never know, but I will be forever grateful. I still have tons of dreams and goals for the future and look forward to all the things to come. I pray that God will give me strength to make the best decisions and be the kind of person He needs me to be.

Sorry for the ranting tonight guys. I hope it made some sense. Have a lovely evening, and if I don't write before then, have a wonderful Christmas.

Lean On Me.

Sometimes life throws you some curve balls. Everything seems to be going great and then suddenly you find yourself like a turtle on your back, helpless, and needing to be picked backed up.

Life's hard, but things happen sometimes to teach us lessons, to make us stronger, and to allow us to make a difference. Sometimes I think these things happen to remind us to look up and trust God. Lately, I've been feeling like God is trying to help me realize how much I need to trust in him and not worry. I need to realize that no matter what happens God is in control.

There's so much in this life that we don't understand and that we can't control and for an self-diagnosed OCD  and educator such as myself sometimes this about kills me. Well, not really, but you can see how it may drive me crazy sometimes. When things don't go as planned it's hard sometimes to go with the flow, especially if you are used to routines. Being flexible is a very valuable attribute to have in your little bag of tricks just in case something goes awry in your day. Learning to calm down, breathe, and make rational/logical decisions based on the situation and just making the best of what comes is what makes the difference I think. There are several ways one can react to such thorns in our plan, but the best way is to be flexible and understanding, especially when this situation has people involved. Relationships are very important and are very easily messed up if we forget what matters most and get our priorities out of whack.

I've had a self-centered attitude lately and God's been working on me. Boy has He and it's not been easy or fun, but I've learned a lot. I have so much to be thankful for and even though sometimes I wish things were a certain way or I wish I was doing something else, the fact of the matter is that I have everything I need and I'm am extremely blessed. I have the most amazing husband who works incredibly hard every day in a great job that God has given him to provide for his family, I have a wonderful little girl who brightens my day just with her smile or coo, I have a great house to live in, I have transportation, and every necessity. What more could I ask for? I already have more than I deserve. So, when I feel myself getting a little self-absorbed, selfish, or greedy, I try to remember that. There's plenty of time to do the things I want to do. I've got a great responsibility to help raise my child and be an awesome wife. Two things that will keep you busy just by themselves. But I'm loving it.

Thank you, my dear sweet husband, for all that you do. Thank you for reminding me of who I am and who I should be. Thank you for supporting and loving me through all of the craziness. You are my heart, and I will always be yours and be forever grateful for all that you do for us.

For the past week now poor baby Grace has had a cold, and although a baby having a cold is hard on everyone in the house, I just feel so bad for her. I mean, she's so helpless right now. I feel horrible when I have to use the aspirator on her nose and give her medicine. :( I can't wait until she's over this and feels better again. Hopefully it'll be soon. In the meantime, I'm Miss Snot-Snorter to the rescue. It's funny how things change. Seems not long ago when my mom was Miss Snot-Snorter and I was helping to hold down my younger siblings. :P

Time goes by so quickly. Cherish it my friends. God is good. Live, laugh, love, and hope.

Have a lovely weekend all.

Utter Exhaustion

Who knew that just 3 hours of a fussy/high maintenance baby could make you so tired. I'm so ready for bed now. Too bad I still have at least 2 more hours to go. :(

A Walk in the Park

 When I was younger, a walk outside in God's beautiful creation is all it took to bring my world back to focus. On God. Just one walk and all was right again. I was at peace, happy, in awe, and all because I could bask in God's amazing creation and have a little talk with him. Outside on my walks was the one place I could go to escape the hard, scary, stressful times that was my life a lot when I was younger. Therefore, it's not a surprise that when things get crazy and I need to calm down these days,  the place I love to be is somewhere outdoors, preferably with trees around and a quiet place. :)

    Grace and I took a walk today in the park near our old apartments. As we strolled down the trail I remembered why I used to love jogging there so much. It is just so beautiful. Tall pine and oak trees everywhere; hugging the trail and blocking sight to the road, squirrels running and jumping, birds chirping, leaves and branches waving softly in the wind, and the smell of the outdoors, you know, the grass, leaves, dirt, earthly fresh smell. I love it. lol I always tell John that I would love to live in a tree house. Hippie-like, maybe, but wouldn't that just be awesome?! Of course, it'd have to be one of those modern tree houses with plumbing and electricity and all, but still. Totally awesome.

   Anyway, on our walk we stopped at a picnic table so Grace could have some of her bottle and we could just take some of the scenery in. It was nice. Grace probably thought I was a crazy woman because I was just smiling and talking up a storm describing all the different things there were to see, smell, and hear. She was so cute because in between drinks from her bottle she would sneak me a huge smile as I was talking, as if to say, "I so know what you're saying Mom, this is awesome!" I loved it. :)

  Lately I've been contemplating and re-assessing myself and my life. A life change, like having a baby, will generally prompt some introspection of some kind. For me, having a child changed things drastically in my life. I used to be busy and working ALL the time with school/work and other related projects. I was a jh/high school Theater/Speech teacher and even though that generally meant 12 hour workdays and grading/lesson planning every night, I loved it. Yes, even the hard days with the tough kids. I loved my job and I intend to go back to teaching when the time is right.

Now, I'm a stay-at-home mom taking care our sweet baby girl. Very different schedule. Usually the same or more hours as before, always busy with things to attend to her needs (diaper changes, feeding, playtime, burping, nap time, repeat), not having a set schedule, eating when she lets me eat, etc. It's hard work, either the same as before or harder. There hasn't been a day so far since she's been born that I haven't been exhausted at the end and practically falling into bed with fatigue.

   Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my little girl, but no one tells you how hard it really is to take care of a baby and to go from being a working woman to a stay-at-home mom. I'm finding myself trying to figure out my new routine and stay busy in a different kind of way. And, even though you have a person with you the entire day, you are so lonely, because that person can't talk to you yet. I also had struggles with losing the feeling of who I was anymore the first couple months because everything changed and for the longest time being a teacher and working or going to school was who I was. Still am, but in a different way. It was not fun. Grace was a fussy baby when she was first born and we had a really tough first month, so it took a LOT out of us (my husband and I). Thankfully Grace is easier to take care of now and I'm so excited that she's becoming a lot more interactive lately. I just can't wait until she can walk and color pictures and we can do more things together. I know we're going to have tons of fun together.
 
   I'm excited about getting to work with the youth at our church soon. Being the female youth leader will mean I will get to work with kids again and change lives. I can't wait! I just love kids. :) God has blessed my family and I so much and I'm so grateful. There is so much I have to learn to be a good parent and to be the best Christian I can be.

I suppose we all feel that way most of the time, the wanting to be better part. I find the best way to combat the stress/worry/fatigue is to stay on top of my Bible studies and quiet time with God. Which is why I mentioned my walks outside. I think everyone should have a place where they can go and always feel close to God and have some quiet time with him. If you don't have one, you should find one. It doesn't even have to be one place in particular. For instance, like my place, outside, it can be in my backyard, at a park, on the beach, or simply stepping outside on a break at work to get some fresh air. For you it could be any number of things: library, cafe, coffee shop, sun room, den, kitchen, in the car driving, lake, airplane, or on a boat. Wherever it may be make it your own and be sure to make time to talk with God one on one. He likes to here from you and it'll make a huge difference with your relationship with Him and your everyday life. So, go find your place.

Until next time. Adieu.

Starting Anew

It's been awhile since I've had a blog or journal of any kind, so I decided to start one up again. This first entry will be short and sweet. I'm excited to have a place again to vent and share my thoughts. There are so many new things happening in my life right now, thus I have to document it somehow. I will make sure to do my best to keep this up-to-date and interesting. I look forward to this form of expression again.