Not Enough

There come times in your life when you realize you're not enough.

Not enough to do things perfectly.
Not enough to never lose your temper.
Not enough to always be patient.
Not enough to always have the strength.
Not enough to never get frustrated.
Not enough to never get angry.
Not enough to be the best of everything.
Not enough to please everyone.
Not enough to please yourself.

It's times like these that bring you to your knees and make you remember that you aren't enough alone. You need God's love and guidance. You need that close relationship.

Somehow in the hustle bustle of our busy lives we forget that we aren't Superwoman/man. We can't do everything. We won't be perfect. We may not be perfect, but when we have God on our side and a constant relationship with Him and willingness to learn and change for the better, we can do much more than we can do alone.

I found myself in an on my knees kind of moment this evening and was reminded of this lesson. I cannot fix myself, I need forgiveness daily, and I need to be persistent and dedicated when it comes to having a close relationship with God.

It's been a long day and I'm still a huge work in progress. I recognize my need for renovation and pray that God will mold me into who He needs me to be and that He gives me the strength to tackle whatever life brings.

Long Nights Bring Introspection

So, this is an old picture, but it serves as an example of the long nights Grace, John, and I have endured lately.

Last night when we came home from church Grace was burning up and I took her temperature and found out that she had a 102 fever. Needless to say we were up all night with our sweet girl.

There's nothing more difficult than trying to comfort your child when they are ill and not being able to do much at all. It makes you feel so helpless and sometimes it so frustrated that you can't do anything to make them feel better.

Sometimes during tough nights it's easy to get selfish and frustrated when you are exhausted and suffering from lack of sleep. But when your baby is really sick and all they want is to snuggle with you, then somehow it's hard to be "upset" or "selfish." It really puts things into perspective and humbles you.

As I lie awake with a sleeping baby lying on me I couldn't help but think about my mother. In times like these I remember all the times when I was sick as a child and my mother never failed to come and take care of us either to: give us our medicine at the directed times, put a cool rag on our head, rub our backs, or hold our hair when we were nauseous. I never saw resentment, annoyance, frustration, or selfishness in her eyes or the way she took care of us and comforted us. I knew I could always count on mom to make it better or at least do her best to.

As I think about the way my mom took care of us and just her overall attitude and character, I can't help but contemplate on my own attitudes and what I strive to be like. I want desperately for my daughter to feel the way I did about always being able to count mom and never thinking I was an inconvenience or an annoyance.

I'm still learning this mom thing. Whoever said it just comes easily was apparently not a parent. Lately I've realized some areas in which I need to work on. I need to remember that it's not all about me. That my responsibilities and priorities changed when I had a child, a child of whom I adore with all my heart. I love that sweet girl, and when I think about the times when I have a selfish attitude it breaks my heart.

I think God must feel that way sometimes.

We as His children are constantly grieving Him and breaking His heart.

We are selfish, arrogant, prideful, rude, controlling, and sometimes just plain mean.

He is the Ultimate Parent.

He is our Father who loves us unconditionally, who never tires of comforting us, never tires sitting with us all night until the pain is gone, will always be on time with what we need, and with whom we know we can always count on. Our trust should be in Him and we should strive to be like the Ultimate Parent.

I am reminded of that lately through some long nights. I strive to be Christlike, to be the parent God wants/needs me to be. I pray that we all strive to be Christlike in whatever situations or relationships we may be in. I pray that all my sleepless nights bring such revelation.

Miraculous Signs....

I was reading my daily bible study today out of Exodus Chapter 4 and it brought me a few realizations I wanted to share with you. Lately there's been a LOT going on in my life and I've been super busy trying to juggle all that is to be done. I'm seeing new doors being opened, and opportunities being brought before me to use my talents/gifts to serve God in new ways. I'm excited, yet am still nervous, and lots of the time I feel as if I don't measure up or am not good enough for the job.

I don't know if I've actually ever read this section about Moses talking to God about the rod and the signs and his fear of speaking. I know I've heard about it several times, but I'm not sure if I've actually read it on my own, which is odd, but it was definitely what I needed today. Funny how things happen like that, right? :P

Reading it revealed to me a part of human nature. How Moses needed/wanted proof and lacked confidence to do God's will. We all go through that at one time or another. Usually several times in your life if you are like me. When God calls us to do something, He knows EXACTLY what He's doing. We're usually just too scared or nervous, or not yet ready to give up the reins, to believe or surrender to Him. So, sometimes God sends us a helper, like He sent Aaron to help Moses.

I imagine sometimes, how it would be if we just listened the first time and said, "Ok, I'll do it Lord! Whatever you want! You're the boss!" Without fear or insecurities. What kind of awesome things God would show us.  God IS in control. Let us rejoice and be glad that He has a plan for our lives and knows us better than we even think we know ourselves. He knows what we are capable of because He made us and He loves us! What better reason to believe and trust Him than that? This gives me courage.

Thank you Lord for your mighty power and your plans for my life. Please help me to not hesitate when you call me to do something. I know that, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13) Thank you Lord. In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

May you say YES to what God is calling you to do in your life right now. Be of good courage my friend. You will do great things through Christ.

Stillness...

Sometimes we need a reminder that we need to be patient.
Just be still.

Wait.

Be calm.

Sometimes the verse, "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10, just says it all.

In the midst of all the complications, worries, sadness, longings, and troubles of this world sometimes the best thing to do is just to be still. We are God's children. He WILL take care of us.

I've needed to be reminded of this lately, so I thought I'd share this song with you guys. I hope it speaks to you.

Blessed.

In the midst of all the craziness and busyness of life sometimes the simplest things still make me smile.

My life is beginning to get a little more busy again and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. It's funny because just a few months ago I was begging for more to do, my old crazy busy schedule back, but now...well, I'm not so sure. I do enjoy getting to be creative again and teaching (in whatever aspect I can). I miss those things.

On top of all the craziness, we lost a loved one recently. It's times like these that really make you stop and take inventory of your life once again. It makes you ever more thankful for all the people in your life and reminiscent of those you have known that have touched your life. I'm very honored and blessed to have known this person and know that many people will miss them. I also know that they are finally at peace and in a better place, and for that I am happy. I'm not the best at giving advice, and so I don't try too often, however, I'd like to think I'm a good listen and a good hugger. :) I hope I can be of some comfort to those who are hurting.

I think one of the worst feelings is when you see someone hurting and you can't do anything to help. I've realized that sometimes the only thing you can do is pray and sometimes that is just what they need. I've also learned a smile goes a long way as does a kind, soft, encouraging word, and a good long hug. People just want to know someone loves them and cares for them. I often thought about doing missionary work when I was younger and would always feel so sad about a lot of the children and men and women who were hurting and lonely. Then I thought, if someone only told them about Jesus, then they would always know that someone loves them and cares for them and will never leave them. I am so thankful to our missionaries in all countries. I hope to someday be able to help out with some. I admire you. Thank you.

Throughout all the craziness and heartache I know I can always count on God to always be there for me. That's what gets me through some crazy times. That's what helps me through the anger of not being able to help sometimes. God knows all and He will show you what you can do to help. There's always something you can do. I've learned that. You just have to choose to do it. Sometimes that's the hardest part.

I'm amazed at how much my little girl has grown in the past week. At 8 months old she's already pulling herself up, can sit herself up from the tummy position, can play on her own, can feed herself little puffs, and she's just about learned how to crawl. I can't believe it. She's becoming such a big girl. As we come closer and closer to her birthday it makes me realize how fast time really does fly and that in turn makes me feel old.

Oh I hope I take in every moment and never take anything for granted. My eyes are opened every day to what an amazing husband I have and what a wonderful Daddy he's becoming and what an awesomely sweet little girl we have together. God has supremely blessed us and I am forever thankful. I look forward to many wonderful years to come. I hope that this week brings you all happiness, peace, and enlightenment as it has already brought me. :)

“For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.” T.S. Eliot

As I sit here sipping hot apple cider on this wintry evening in January, I find myself in a reminiscent mood. I know I'm a little late on the stereotypical Top how ever many things of the past year, but I thought, what the heck, it's still January, it should still count. Who makes up the rules to these things anyway? :P

We had a lovely first Christmas with our sweet baby girl and all of our relatives/family members and I absolutely can't wait for all the fun, new, and exciting things 2011 will bring. I know God has amazing things in store for us! : )

So, without further adieu....

Top 10 Things of 2010!

1. I got to teach with some of the most amazing people I know!

2. I had the most awesome students and loved every minute with them!

3. (March) I had a great time in OAP with my students and were pretty successful and VERY proud of them!

4. We welcomed our sweet baby girl, Grace, into this world in May.

5. My husband and I survived some REALLY tough times with our first month with Grace and came out stronger and closer than ever. <3

6. I had the most wonderful time in Gruene, TX with my sweet husband on our little getaway in July.

7. My husband and I and little Grace are so excited to be part of a new church plant and have our own place and role in helping it grow. I'm super excited to be the female youth leader!

8. I got to see my Grandmother and John's Grandpa smile and bring joy to them by having them meet and hang out with their new Great-Grand-daughter. : ) It was such an amazing feeling.

9. One of my best friend's got engaged!

10. We attended a lovely wedding of one of our college friends in Dec. and were honored to share that special moment with them.