Monday, October 25, 2010
Utter Exhaustion
Who knew that just 3 hours of a fussy/high maintenance baby could make you so tired. I'm so ready for bed now. Too bad I still have at least 2 more hours to go. :(
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A Walk in the Park
When I was younger, a walk outside in God's beautiful creation is all it took to bring my world back to focus. On God. Just one walk and all was right again. I was at peace, happy, in awe, and all because I could bask in God's amazing creation and have a little talk with him. Outside on my walks was the one place I could go to escape the hard, scary, stressful times that was my life a lot when I was younger. Therefore, it's not a surprise that when things get crazy and I need to calm down these days, the place I love to be is somewhere outdoors, preferably with trees around and a quiet place. :)
Grace and I took a walk today in the park near our old apartments. As we strolled down the trail I remembered why I used to love jogging there so much. It is just so beautiful. Tall pine and oak trees everywhere; hugging the trail and blocking sight to the road, squirrels running and jumping, birds chirping, leaves and branches waving softly in the wind, and the smell of the outdoors, you know, the grass, leaves, dirt, earthly fresh smell. I love it. lol I always tell John that I would love to live in a tree house. Hippie-like, maybe, but wouldn't that just be awesome?! Of course, it'd have to be one of those modern tree houses with plumbing and electricity and all, but still. Totally awesome.
Anyway, on our walk we stopped at a picnic table so Grace could have some of her bottle and we could just take some of the scenery in. It was nice. Grace probably thought I was a crazy woman because I was just smiling and talking up a storm describing all the different things there were to see, smell, and hear. She was so cute because in between drinks from her bottle she would sneak me a huge smile as I was talking, as if to say, "I so know what you're saying Mom, this is awesome!" I loved it. :)
Lately I've been contemplating and re-assessing myself and my life. A life change, like having a baby, will generally prompt some introspection of some kind. For me, having a child changed things drastically in my life. I used to be busy and working ALL the time with school/work and other related projects. I was a jh/high school Theater/Speech teacher and even though that generally meant 12 hour workdays and grading/lesson planning every night, I loved it. Yes, even the hard days with the tough kids. I loved my job and I intend to go back to teaching when the time is right.
Now, I'm a stay-at-home mom taking care our sweet baby girl. Very different schedule. Usually the same or more hours as before, always busy with things to attend to her needs (diaper changes, feeding, playtime, burping, nap time, repeat), not having a set schedule, eating when she lets me eat, etc. It's hard work, either the same as before or harder. There hasn't been a day so far since she's been born that I haven't been exhausted at the end and practically falling into bed with fatigue.
Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my little girl, but no one tells you how hard it really is to take care of a baby and to go from being a working woman to a stay-at-home mom. I'm finding myself trying to figure out my new routine and stay busy in a different kind of way. And, even though you have a person with you the entire day, you are so lonely, because that person can't talk to you yet. I also had struggles with losing the feeling of who I was anymore the first couple months because everything changed and for the longest time being a teacher and working or going to school was who I was. Still am, but in a different way. It was not fun. Grace was a fussy baby when she was first born and we had a really tough first month, so it took a LOT out of us (my husband and I). Thankfully Grace is easier to take care of now and I'm so excited that she's becoming a lot more interactive lately. I just can't wait until she can walk and color pictures and we can do more things together. I know we're going to have tons of fun together.
I'm excited about getting to work with the youth at our church soon. Being the female youth leader will mean I will get to work with kids again and change lives. I can't wait! I just love kids. :) God has blessed my family and I so much and I'm so grateful. There is so much I have to learn to be a good parent and to be the best Christian I can be.
I suppose we all feel that way most of the time, the wanting to be better part. I find the best way to combat the stress/worry/fatigue is to stay on top of my Bible studies and quiet time with God. Which is why I mentioned my walks outside. I think everyone should have a place where they can go and always feel close to God and have some quiet time with him. If you don't have one, you should find one. It doesn't even have to be one place in particular. For instance, like my place, outside, it can be in my backyard, at a park, on the beach, or simply stepping outside on a break at work to get some fresh air. For you it could be any number of things: library, cafe, coffee shop, sun room, den, kitchen, in the car driving, lake, airplane, or on a boat. Wherever it may be make it your own and be sure to make time to talk with God one on one. He likes to here from you and it'll make a huge difference with your relationship with Him and your everyday life. So, go find your place.
Until next time. Adieu.
Grace and I took a walk today in the park near our old apartments. As we strolled down the trail I remembered why I used to love jogging there so much. It is just so beautiful. Tall pine and oak trees everywhere; hugging the trail and blocking sight to the road, squirrels running and jumping, birds chirping, leaves and branches waving softly in the wind, and the smell of the outdoors, you know, the grass, leaves, dirt, earthly fresh smell. I love it. lol I always tell John that I would love to live in a tree house. Hippie-like, maybe, but wouldn't that just be awesome?! Of course, it'd have to be one of those modern tree houses with plumbing and electricity and all, but still. Totally awesome.
Anyway, on our walk we stopped at a picnic table so Grace could have some of her bottle and we could just take some of the scenery in. It was nice. Grace probably thought I was a crazy woman because I was just smiling and talking up a storm describing all the different things there were to see, smell, and hear. She was so cute because in between drinks from her bottle she would sneak me a huge smile as I was talking, as if to say, "I so know what you're saying Mom, this is awesome!" I loved it. :)
Lately I've been contemplating and re-assessing myself and my life. A life change, like having a baby, will generally prompt some introspection of some kind. For me, having a child changed things drastically in my life. I used to be busy and working ALL the time with school/work and other related projects. I was a jh/high school Theater/Speech teacher and even though that generally meant 12 hour workdays and grading/lesson planning every night, I loved it. Yes, even the hard days with the tough kids. I loved my job and I intend to go back to teaching when the time is right.
Now, I'm a stay-at-home mom taking care our sweet baby girl. Very different schedule. Usually the same or more hours as before, always busy with things to attend to her needs (diaper changes, feeding, playtime, burping, nap time, repeat), not having a set schedule, eating when she lets me eat, etc. It's hard work, either the same as before or harder. There hasn't been a day so far since she's been born that I haven't been exhausted at the end and practically falling into bed with fatigue.
Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my little girl, but no one tells you how hard it really is to take care of a baby and to go from being a working woman to a stay-at-home mom. I'm finding myself trying to figure out my new routine and stay busy in a different kind of way. And, even though you have a person with you the entire day, you are so lonely, because that person can't talk to you yet. I also had struggles with losing the feeling of who I was anymore the first couple months because everything changed and for the longest time being a teacher and working or going to school was who I was. Still am, but in a different way. It was not fun. Grace was a fussy baby when she was first born and we had a really tough first month, so it took a LOT out of us (my husband and I). Thankfully Grace is easier to take care of now and I'm so excited that she's becoming a lot more interactive lately. I just can't wait until she can walk and color pictures and we can do more things together. I know we're going to have tons of fun together.
I'm excited about getting to work with the youth at our church soon. Being the female youth leader will mean I will get to work with kids again and change lives. I can't wait! I just love kids. :) God has blessed my family and I so much and I'm so grateful. There is so much I have to learn to be a good parent and to be the best Christian I can be.
I suppose we all feel that way most of the time, the wanting to be better part. I find the best way to combat the stress/worry/fatigue is to stay on top of my Bible studies and quiet time with God. Which is why I mentioned my walks outside. I think everyone should have a place where they can go and always feel close to God and have some quiet time with him. If you don't have one, you should find one. It doesn't even have to be one place in particular. For instance, like my place, outside, it can be in my backyard, at a park, on the beach, or simply stepping outside on a break at work to get some fresh air. For you it could be any number of things: library, cafe, coffee shop, sun room, den, kitchen, in the car driving, lake, airplane, or on a boat. Wherever it may be make it your own and be sure to make time to talk with God one on one. He likes to here from you and it'll make a huge difference with your relationship with Him and your everyday life. So, go find your place.
Until next time. Adieu.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Starting Anew
It's been awhile since I've had a blog or journal of any kind, so I decided to start one up again. This first entry will be short and sweet. I'm excited to have a place again to vent and share my thoughts. There are so many new things happening in my life right now, thus I have to document it somehow. I will make sure to do my best to keep this up-to-date and interesting. I look forward to this form of expression again.
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