Sometimes we get in a zone of day to day living, just going, not really living in the moment, but going through the motions to get to the next "thing" we have to do. When we get like this like many of us do, we often neglect some things that are vital. We are also often more susceptible to certain temptations and struggles that we are perhaps more sensitive to than others.
We all have something. Something we know that we should be weary of. Stay clear of. Be careful with. .... Some of us have more than one big thing.
For me, one of those things is my OCD habits/(obsessions and compulsions) to being clean and being afraid of anything potentially germy or harmful due to germs.
Now, when most people hear someone confess something like this they generally just put you in "that" category; the one with the over-protective mom who carries wipes and germ-x everywhere they go and won't let their child touch anything! While that is true to some extent, I must admit that for me it goes even deeper than that.
I can't begin to explain how this "thing" makes me feel/act/react, etc sometimes. I literally feel crazy sometimes and have to will myself to not do certain (compulsions: cleaning certain ways). I can see how it is affecting me, my relationship with Christ and others, and my actions. I know this needs to change now.
This is something I've dealt with my whole life, but I've only had it this hard twice in my life thus far. Both times, seemingly in times I felt "out of control," so to speak. So, I find myself trying to think back to how I got out of this extremely disturbing funk and I keep coming back to the fact that I began to re-dedicate my life to Christ. Step by step, I made sure I was in God's Word, if not daily, then at least most days of the week. Having more prayer time and re-surrendering my life to Christ daily.
It's something I really did have to do daily. The surrender part. I realized that my problem came from me thinking I had any control over what was going to happen to me and not trusting God to take my worries/fears and giving Him the reigns of my life. It's not until I truly surrendered to Him completely and trusted the Lord, that the healing began.
So, as I sit here tonight, thinking about my issues again and trying desperately to conquer this "thing" on my own, I realize once more that I need to look back to before and look up to God. I need to surrender to Him again. I need to trust Him with everything in me. Not just say it, but do it.
Easier said than done, I know. So, tonight, I begin again. My own personal renaissance once more. Who says we can't have more than one of those in a lifetime. I think that it's all part of growing and becoming a stronger Christian/person. After all, we are human and our God is a forgiving, merciful, loving, and gracious God. We are going to make mistakes, but thankfully, God is always there to pick us right back up and is waiting with open arms for us. He'll get us through. I just need to lean on Him.
I ask for prayers as I re-evaluate where my priorities are and focus on trusting/depending on God with everything once more. I thank you friends, who-ever might be reading this, for your prayers. I know that, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phillipians 4:13)
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